The Choice
by cindy123
Summary: John is given a choice. Which son will he choose?
1. John's decision

Flashback story.

Summary: John is given a choice. Choose one son or lose both. Which one will he choose? What will the repercussions be?

I do not own any of the characters that you recognize from the TV show. I only own the ones you don't recognize.

Characters: John Winchester age 44 (born 1954)

Dean Winchester age 19 (born January 24, 1979)

Sam Winchester age 14 (born May 2, 1983)

Bobby Singer age unknown

Caleb Reeves age unknown

Joshua ? age unknown

Alex (vampire-age 325)

The Choice

Outside Chandler Arizona-February 6, 1998

"You have a decision to make John," the vampire named Alex hissed. "You need to decide which son you can't live without."

John glared at the fanged monster with confusion, then looked to each of his sons. Alex held each one around the neck, his long, sharp fingernails digging into the tender flesh as warm blood trickled down to stain their shirt collars. John held his crossbow steady, ready to let the arrows loose once Alex made a mistake and moved enough so his sons, Mary's boys, were not strategically in front of him. He flinched when Alex squeezed tighter and the pain and fear increased on his sons faces.

"Let go of my sons you son of a bitch!" John seethed.

Alex laughed as he pulled the boys closer to his body. The boys eyes were wide and pleading as they fixed their gazes on their father.

"So here it is John. Either you lose both sons or you save one and give one to me. It's your choice."

"I'll take them both and kill you. How does that sound?" John shot.

"I can snap their necks in a second John, and you know it. The only way to save your sons is to choose. Which son can you not live without? To save them both, you must decide."

John glared at the vampire, his body trembling with rage. He was about to speak when Alex beat him to it.

"You have five seconds John. Five seconds to either walk away with one son or lose both forever," the vampire hissed as he tightened his grip on his captives necks.

John took two seconds before he screamed out a name. "Dean! I choose Dean!"

In the few seconds it took for Dean to be shoved forward and the vampire to disappear with his youngest, John looked into Sam's eyes and he saw. He saw that Sam knew. Sam knew who John was going to choose before John ever said a word. The look in Sam's eyes would haunt John for the rest of his life, for what he saw in those few seconds wasn't shock or surprise. What John saw was resignation.

Dean fell into his father's arms and instantly spun around, his eyes wide with fear and panic when he saw no sign of his brother or the vampire. He rushed forward, his eyes searching the darkness. When a hand fell on his shoulder he turned, fury in his eyes.

"What did you do Dad!? What the hell did you do!?" Dean screamed as he pushed John away.

"Dean…I…I had to…" John stammered, his eyes pleading with Dean to understand.

"No Dad! What you had to do was kill that son of a bitch, not hand Sam over to him!" Dean ranted.

"He would have killed you both. I didn't…I didn't have a shot," John said, his voice laced with shock and loss.

"You gave Sam to him Dad. You gave our Sammy to him just like that. How could you do that?" Dean cried, his eyes brimming with tears.

"He would have killed you both. I had to make a choice," John reasoned as he looked his son in the eyes.

"Yeah, well you chose wrong Dad. Sam always thought you loved me more but I told him he was wrong. Was I wrong Dad?" Dean spat before turning and walking away.

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"Do you know how long it's been since your father gave you up Sam?" Ales asked as he raised his head from Sam's wrist, Sam's blood dripping down his chin.

Sam gazed up from where he was bound to the narrow bed, but didn't say a word. Alex retied Sam's bleeding wrist to the head of the bed then leaned over, kissing him on the cheek.

"It's been a month Sam."

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"What the hell are we doing Dad?" Dean shouted from the passenger seat of John's truck.

"We're hunting a black dog Dean," John replied evenly.

Dean glared at his father, his hands fisted at his sides. "There's only one thing we should be hunting Dad, and that's the f---er that you gave my little brother to. You remember him don't you Dad? Sam…your son?" Dean spat venomously.

"Of course I remember him Dean! I think about him every minute of every day! Bobby, Caleb and Joshua are working on finding where the nest is as we speak. What else do you want me to do?" John cried.

"I want you to act like you care Dad. I want you to be working on finding Sam, not leaving it up to others. I want you to prove to me that Sam was wrong," Dean said softly.

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"Three months Sam. Three months and we haven't seen hide nor hair of your father or brother. I'm beginning to think they aren't coming for you," Alex said as he walked toward the door of Sam's current prison, his laugh filling Sam's ears until the door slammed shut.

Sam turned away as far as his bound and battered body could move, a single tear rolling down his dirty cheek.

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John burst into the motel room, startling Dean awake.

"Get your things together Dean. We move in five!" John exclaimed as he began to gather his weapons and meager belongings together.

"What is it Dad? What's going on?" Dean queried uneasily.

"We found him Dean. Or rather, we found Alex's nest," John answered, his eyes falling on his son.

Dean jumped up from the bed and started to shove his clothing into his duffel. "Where is he Dad? Is he okay?" Dean cried as he retrieved his toiletry bag from the bathroom.

"I don't know Dean. I don't even know if he's…" John said softly as he collapsed on the nearest bed, his hand dragging anxiously through his hair.

"He's alive Dad. We have to believe that," Dean said assuredly.

"Yeah…but is he still our Sammy?" John asked wearily.

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"I don't know Sammy. Maybe they forgot about you. Or maybe they were both glad to be rid of you. I mean, it's been six months. I know I could never grow tired of you, but I don't think I can keep you much longer," Alex said as he ran his fingers through Sam's greasy, messy hair.

Alex's fingers trailed down Sam's jawline then were pulled away when Alex stood from where he had been sitting on the floor. He looked down upon the silent, shackled boy who lay curled on his side in the straw that covered the dirt floor. Alex strolled to the ladder that led up to the trap door and stopped before ascending. He turned to Sam and smiled.

"It's a shame really. I've had so much fun with you and you taste oh so sweet, but you're dangerous to have around. There's others out there who want you and I think it's in my best interest to give you to them," the vampire said.

Alex gracefully climbed the ladder and once on the floor above he gave one last look to the shivering boy below before letting the trap door slam down.

Sam lay still on his bed of straw, his empty eyes staring off into nothing. The gentle rise and fall of his chest and the trickle of blood from the punctures in his neck was the only evidence that the broken boy was still alive.

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"Where are we going Dad?" Dean queried as the Impala barreled down the highway, John's truck abandoned for the more speedy car.

John's hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, his jaw working furiously, his eyes hard. He turned his head slightly to look at his oldest son.

"The nest is holed up in an abandoned cabin just outside of Lincoln Montana. Caleb found intel on several killings in the area. The bodies all bore the signature of the vampire who took Sammy. We're meeting Joshua and Bobby in town, then we'll head to the cabin. Caleb's keeping an eye on the place until we can get there," John explained.

"Caleb hasn't seen Sam? No sign of him at all?" Dean asked warily.

"No…but that doesn't mean they don't still have him son. We are going to get him back," John said confidently.

"Dad? What if…um…what if they turned him?" Dean asked, swallowing down the bile that threatened to rise.

"Caleb would've seen him, but if by chance they did…well…we'll deal with it," John answered.

"How Dad? How will we deal with it?"

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Alex sat crossed legged on the straw laden floor with Sam draped across his legs, cradled in his arms. He softly pet Sam's hair as the boy's head lay against his chest. Sam's eyes were empty, void of all emotion and life. The fresh punctures on his shoulder oozed, the blood making a trail down his bare, skeletal chest. Alex rested his cheek atop Sam's head then cupped Sam's face, gently pulling it up until the vacant eyes were rested on his own face.

"Tonight I give you up Sam. Another clan, a bigger one desires to have you and I fear for my small clan if I keep you. Lily and Xander will take you once the sun goes down. This is our final day together and my only wish is to see you smile. I'll bet you're even more beautiful when you smile Sam. Why haven't you ever smiled for me?" Alex asked sadly.

Alex pulled the pliant boys body closer to his chest and slowly rocked him. He went back to softly petting Sam's hair, and whispered lovingly in his ear.

"I wish your family realized how special you are little one, because if they did I would give you back to them."

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The five hunters crouched down just inside the treeline of the forest that surrounded the large, abandoned cabin. No words were needed as each man knew what had to be done. John had already instructed the others that the alpha male was his. No one was to touch him. John gave the signal and the men began a steady walk to the cabin, Bobby, Caleb and Joshua circling around to the back while John and Dean took the front. Dean's mission was simple. Find Sam and get him out and leave the others to perform the slaughter.

The hunters entered the cabin at the same time and within minutes the blood bath began. After it was over, seven decapitated vampires littered the cabin floor. Blood covered the wooden floorboards and seeped into the cracks. All of the vampires had been accounted for, save one. The alpha, Alex, was nowhere to be found. And frighteningly, neither was Sam. The hunters searched every room, every place that could provide a hiding place. They found no one.

John and Dean frantically searched every room again, despair washing over them as they feared they had lost their boy again. Then Dean stepped into what once had been the pantry and noticed the trap door. He motioned to his father and the hunters and they all crowded into the small room. Bobby held a flashlight on the door while John, Caleb and Joshua trained their weapons and waited for Dean to lift the door. The men were not prepared for the sight that met them.

Alex stood at the base of the ladder, Sam cradled in his arms. Sam's limbs dangled loosely even though he appeared to be awake. His head rested on the vampire's shoulder, his eyes staring blankly ahead. Alex raised his face upwards and the hunters saw that tears streamed from his eyes. He glided effortlessly up the ladder, the waiting men backing cautiously up to allow him room, their weapons never wavering from the monster.

"Give me back my son," John hissed, very much aware of Sam's state though his eyes never left the vampire.

Alex looked sadly down at Sam and tenderly kissed his forehead, which garnered outraged growls from the men who surrounded him. Alex looked up at John and softly smiled.

"I hope you can cherish him as I have come to," the vampire whispered.

Alex turned to Dean and gently handed Sam over to his waiting arms. Dean pulled his baby brother protectively to his chest, alarmed at how he could feel every bone through Sam's skin. Sam was dressed in only his boxers and he shivered lightly in Dean's arms. Dean backed out of the pantry as the other hunters covered Alex.

Alex turned to John and smiled knowingly. He slowly kneeled in front of the machete wielding hunter and looked up at him. He cocked his head to the side as he continued to watch John's face.

"Do it John; do it now. Because Sam? Well…I can't live without him. Do you feel the same now?" Alex questioned then closed his eyes and lowered his head, exposing his neck for the hunter.

John stared down at the vampire, rage coursing through his veins. He raised the machete and with no words and one swing, separated Alex's head from his body. John gave one glance at the dead vampire before turning his back and walking from the pantry, his only thought was to find his sons. John found them in the livingroom, Dean sitting on the floor with Sam in his arms, his leather jacket draped across the shivering boy. John sat next to Dean and gazed upon his youngest son.

"There's something wrong with him Dad. He won't look at me, he won't speak. What did they do to him?" Dean cried softly.

"I don't know Dean, but he's safe now. He's in shock. We just need to get him out of here and I'm sure he'll be fine," John replied in an attempt to comfort his oldest.

"Dad, he's covered in bite marks. I…I think they fed on him. You don't think he's…" Dean started, his voice cracking.

"No son. I don't think they turned him. He wouldn't have been held prisoner in the cellar if he'd been turned," John replied as he gently caressed Sam's face.

Dean turned questioning eyes on John to which John explained himself. "I saw a chain and shackle bolted to the wall and take a look at Sammy's ankle," he said.

Dean looked down and gasped at the raw, bleeding ankle. He pulled Sam closer as a tear made it's way down his cheek. Just then, Joshua entered the room and rushed to the Winchesters. He began to look Sam over, shaking his head at the boy's condition. Dean instinctively pulled Sam in tighter as he eyed the hunter.

"Dean, it's okay. Joshua was a medic in the service. He can help Sam. We really can't take him to a hospital. How could we explain all of this?" John said.

Dean relaxed slightly and allowed Joshua to further examine Sam.

"Well…some of these bites and his ankle are infected. He's running a fever although it's not that bad yet. I'm worried about dehydration and malnourishment. Has he always been this skinny?" Joshua asked pointedly.

"N-no. I'd say he's lost at least twenty pounds," Dean answered.

"I'm gonna need to procure some things. He's going to need IV fluids, antibiotics and nutrients. We need to get some calories in him and I'm betting he probably needs pain meds too," the hunter explained.

"What do we do for his shock? I mean…he hasn't hardly even blinked," Dean queried.

Joshua shook his head slightly. "This isn't shock Dean. This is catatonia."

"Catatonia?" John said fearfully.

"Yeah. Sam's catatonic. Sometimes when people are severely traumatized, which this pretty much qualifies for, they can slip into a catatonic state. It's the mind's way of shutting itself off from whatever is causing the trauma," Joshua said.

"Will he be okay? Will he come out of it?" John queried.

"With time he should. He needs a lot of contact. Talk to him, touch him. Push through that protective wall his mind has built. Most of all…be patient."

Dean brushed the dirty hair from Sam's face and gently turned him until he could see into Sam's blank eyes. It unnerved him how utterly empty they were, but he smiled anyway, hoping that Sam could see him. If he could, Dean couldn't tell. There was nothing there.

"Hey Sammy…you can wake up now kiddo. Dad and I came for you and you're safe now. Can you hear me Sammy? You…you don't need to hide anymore. Nobody's gonna hurt you ever again. I promise Sam. Dad and I won't let anything happen to you. We love you Sammy. Please…please see me Sam."

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Well, this was supposed to be a oneshot. I hope you liked part one of my story.

Cindy.


	2. Getting Our Sammy Back

Here is the second half of The Choice. Warning: there is some dark subject matter but it is only mentioned and does not go into detail.

Cindy.

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The Choice-Part Two

It was four weeks before Sam actually looked at them and they were overjoyed. That was until he rose from his bed in the cabin they had rented and walked to the nearest person, which of course was Dean, because really, he hadn't been more than five feet away from Sam's side since they rescued him. As Sam neared Dean, his dull hazel eyes, which used to be so full of life and vibrancy, fixed on his face. He lifted his hands to his shirt collar and with trembling fingers he pulled the collar down and turned his head, tilting it so his throat was exposed. It didn't take anyone in the room long to realize that Sam was offering his neck to Dean, mistakenly assuming that Dean wished to feed.

Dean reached out, tears in his eyes, and gently pulled Sam's hand from his collar then with his fingers moved Sam's head until they were looking each other in the eyes. A look of understanding and extreme sadness crossed Sam's face and he slowly moved his hands down and began to unfasten his jeans. The sound of John's shocked cry filled the room as understanding of what Sam thought was expected of him hit the hunters like a sledgehammer. Their worst fears had been confirmed in that one action. John stumbled to the bathroom as he mumbled brokenly, "What have I done? What have I done?" He barely made it before the contents of his stomach were emptied into the toilet.

Dean stood, unable to breathe as he stared at his baby brother. He fell to the floor as his knees gave way beneath him, then he curled into a ball at Sam's feet, his sobs breaking the already broken hearts of the hunters that bore witness to the agonizing scene. Sam stood motionless, his fingers frozen on the button of his jeans. He gazed down at Dean with confusion, but that was his only movement. Dean's sobs subsided and he slowly rose from the floor. John's retching also ceased and he staggered from the bathroom as he wiped the back of his hand across his mouth.

John watched as Dean grasped Sam's hands in his and led him to the bed. He gently guided Sam down onto the edge, then seated himself next to him. He took Sam into his arms and kissed him softly on top of his head.

"No Sammy, you never have to do any of that ever again. You're home now and we will always protect you. I promise," Dean whispered as he pulled his brother tighter to himself.

Sam pulled away and gazed at Dean and for the first time in a month actually **saw** him. In a small voice, scratchy and hoarse from months of disuse, Sam whispered one word and it was the most beautiful sound any of them had ever heard.

"D-Dean?"

Sam threw his arms around Dean's neck and began to sob, his tears soaking the fabric on Dean's shoulder. Dean pulled Sam closer, his arms wrapped so tightly around Sam's back it felt like he'd never let go.

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John sat, lost in thought, at the table of the small cabin. It had been almost a month since that awful but equally wonderful day when horrible revelations were revealed, and a voice had finally been heard. Sam still didn't talk much and when he did it was only to Dean. He had yet to acknowledge John and it weighed heavily on the man's heart. Of course, John knew he didn't deserve his baby's attention or love. After all, it was he who gave Sam over to the vampire and everything that had been done to him was his fault. He had had plenty of time to look back over the past months and was appalled at his behavior. Instead of searching for his son, he had left that to his friends while he dragged Dean into hunt after hunt when he knew all Dean wanted to do was to find his beloved brother. He was unable to bring himself to tell Dean that he thought Sam was already lost to them and that the hunts were his way of forgetting just how much he had failed his baby boy.

When Dean had asked him a few weeks ago why he had chosen him over Sam, John had explained that he felt he and Dean would have a better chance of rescuing Sam than if it was Dean who needed rescuing. Dean had shouted that it was a bunch of bull and had stormed off, but John knew in his heart it was true. He loved both of his boys equally, but in retrospect could understand why it appeared to not be the case. He was harder on Sam and less apt to show him the love that he was able to show Dean. He didn't understand why he was that way but vowed if Sam ever forgave him, he would never deny his baby that love again.

John looked over to the bed in the corner and watched his youngest as he slept. He was suddenly overwhelmed with his feelings of guilt and remorse and before he could stop them, tears spilled over from his dark eyes. He dropped his head to the table and wept bitter tears of regret and shame. He continued to weep until a light, gentle touch rested on his shoulder. He peered up into the sad eyes of his youngest son. His breath caught and he stared, unable to say a word. This was the first time Sam had looked at him and he had no clue as to what he should say. As it turned out, he didn't need to say anything at all.

"Dad?" Sam started, his voice soft and slightly hoarse. "Please don't cry. You made the right choice. I understand why you chose Dean and it's okay."

John stood from the chair and took Sam's face in his hands. "Oh Sam, I should have figured out a way to save you both. I…"

"No Dad. He would have killed both Dean and I. We're both alive because of the choice you made. I wish it could have been different, but it was what it was."

"Sam…what you went through…what you endured…I…I'm so sorry. I couldn't protect you from that and it's all my fault…"

"I forgive you Dad. Now…you have to forgive yourself. I'm okay…we're all okay. That's what matters. Please Dad…I love you and I want you…I need you to forgive yourself."

John let out a sob and reached for his son, pulling him into a strong embrace. He held Sam tighter as the boy also began to weep. He nuzzled his face into Sam's hair as he softly spoke.

"I love you so much Sam and I'm sorry I never let you see that. I'm sorry you've had so much pain in your life. You deserve so much better. I will forgive myself, but not today. I need to feel the pain for one more day then tomorrow, we'll start over."

Sam wrapped his arms around his father's waist and relished in the safety and comfort John's embrace offered. He nodded his head, unable to speak through his tears. He was truly home now and his family was on the mend. He could finally put all of the bad things behind him and for the first time in eight months could see a future ahead of him.

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"Wake up sleepyhead," Dean's voice urged as he leaned over his sleeping brother. "We have a surprise for you."

Sam moaned softly and rolled onto his side, mumbling something incoherent as he tried to stay asleep. A hand gently nudging his shoulder brought him around and he turned his head as his eyes fluttered open. He looked up sleepily into Dean's smiling face. He had only meant to take a short nap but he could tell from the light that shone through the window that it was late afternoon, which meant he had slept several hours. He slowly pulled himself up and stared at Dean.

"What time is it?" he asked tiredly.

"It's time for you to get your lazy butt outa' bed and come outside," Dean joked.

Sam swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood up. "I'm comin'…I'm comin'," he said grumpily.

Dean led him to the door then flung it open and pulled Sam out onto the porch. Sam's eyes grew large when he saw the setup in the front yard of the cabin.

"Wh-what's all this?" he asked in wonder.

"Well…we figured since we missed your birthday…we'd kinda celebrate a few months late," Dean answered as he tried to mask the sadness he felt at Sam spending his fifteenth birthday as a captive of the vampire.

Sam turned to his brother and smiled warmly.

"Y-You did this for me?" he asked quietly.

"Of course we did it for you Sammy! Now come on…let's have cake!" Dean chirped as he bounded down the steps.

Sam stepped gingerly off the porch, his eyes taking in the colorfully decorated table, the big chocolate cake complete with candles, and the rough and tumble hunters that sat around the table, cheerful party hats securely on their heads.

"Well come on kiddo, we're not getting any younger over here," Caleb called, a huge grin on his face.

"What are you guys doing here? I thought you were all on a Wendigo hunt," Sam said sheepishly.

"Ahhh…we finished that up. We couldn't miss your birthday party Sam," Joshua answered cheerfully, the balloon decorated party hat sitting crookedly on his head.

"I…I've never had a birthday party before," Sam whispered as he approached the table.

"Yeah…well, there's a first time for everything," Bobby said.

"Sit down Sam! Come on," Dean cried as he pulled out the chair that sat at the head of the table.

Sam sat down and Dean slid a party hat onto his head before placing one on his own head. He then rested his hands on Sam's shoulders.

"Where's Dad?" Sam asked, his eyes searching around the property.

"Oh…he's around," Dean said with a smile. "Close your eyes Sammy."

Sam closed his eyes and waited nervously for whatever was going to happen. A few moments later, Dean instructed him to open his eyes and when he did, all he could do was stare in shock. John stood beside Sam, and held safely in his arms was the cutest puppy Sam had ever seen.

"What…is it mine?" he asked, afraid that if he touched it and it wasn't really his, he'd burst out crying in front of all these men.

"Yeah Sammy, she's all yours," John said in his gravely voice, a happy grin on his face.

Sam reached out and ran his fingers through the puppy's thick, downy fur. The puppy wriggled in John's arms, attempting to get to Sam as it apparently already decided that Sam was its boy. Sam took the puppy from John and hugged it close to his chest, smiling brightly as it licked spastically at his chin. Suddenly, the puppy wriggled free and jumped from Sam's lap, then raced across the grass, yipping wildly. Sam jumped from his seat and chased happily after her in what had become a game of tag. The puppy ran through Sam's legs and as Sam spun to grab her, he lost his balance and fell to the ground with at thud.

The puppy was on Sam in a heartbeat, taking a mouthful of Sam's shirt and tugging wildly while shaking its head side to side. It was at that moment that the older Winchesters heard something they hadn't heard since before the whole nightmare began, and they nearly came undone with joy. Lying on the grass, wrestling with the roly poly ball of fur, Sam Winchester began to laugh and it was the sweetest, most miraculous sound that had ever been heard in all the history of the world. At least it was to the rag tag bunch of hunters that were assembled.

Dean and John looked at one another and each saw tear-filled eyes staring back at them. Dean turned his eyes back to Sam and in a trembling voice he called for his brother.

"Hey Sam, c'mere. You need to make a wish!"

Sam smiled, gazing at his family and friends and shook his head.

"That's okay Dean. My wish has already come true."

The End

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Well, there it is. I hope you all enjoyed my little distraction. Please let me know what you think.

Cindy.


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